Knowing where you are. Reading your messages. Hearing the room. Technology has made monitoring cheap, silent and ordinary — and it is one of the most common forms of control there is.
Please read this one carefully before acting on it. Removing monitoring in a hurry can make things more dangerous, and there is a safer order to do things in.
Start here
It is not paranoia, and it is not rare
People often describe this part with an apology attached. “I know how this sounds.” “I might be imagining it.” You are almost certainly not.
Refuge, which runs the National Domestic Abuse Helpline, reported a 62% rise in referrals to its technology-facilitated abuse team in the first nine months of 2025 compared with the year before, and says worries about hidden cameras and microphones now come up in the majority of the cases it sees.
Being tracked is not a side issue or a modern inconvenience. It is coercive control, carried out with tools that cost very little and leave the person doing it looking perfectly reasonable.
Video 1
Being Watched — Technology and ControlVideo coming soon. The full transcript is below — press “Read instead”.
Being Watched — Technology and Control
Starts muted · has sound
Narrator
You have probably had the thought and then talked yourself out of it. How did they know I was there? Why do they always ask about that one person?
Monitoring does not look like spying. It looks like a shared family account. A location app you set up together on a good day. A doorbell camera. A car with an app.
Each one has an innocent explanation, which is exactly why it works — and why it is so hard to describe to anyone else.
Here is the part that matters most, and it is the opposite of what instinct says. If you find something, do not rip it out straight away. Someone who is monitoring you will notice the moment it stops, and that moment can be dangerous.
Get advice first, from a phone they cannot reach. There are people who do this every day, and they will help you plan the order to do things in.
What it looks like
The forms it takes
1
Stalkerware on your phone
Apps that sit hidden on a device and report messages, calls, photos and location back to someone else. Many are sold openly as “family safety” or “employee monitoring” tools. They usually need physical access to install, so it is often someone who has held your phone.
2
Location, shared “for safety”
Find My, Google location sharing, family tracking apps, a tag in a bag or a car. Often set up genuinely, at a point when it felt caring, and then never turned off — and now impossible to turn off without a conversation.
3
Accounts and the cloud
Shared Apple or Google accounts mean shared photos, messages and search history. A password they know, a recovery phone number that is theirs, or a device still signed in somewhere gives someone everything without any special software at all.
4
The home itself
Doorbell and security cameras that show who comes and goes. Smart speakers. Baby monitors. Heating and lighting apps that reveal whether anyone is in. Hidden cameras in ordinary objects, which are cheap and widely sold.
5
The car
Most newer cars have a manufacturer app showing location and journey history. A tracker costs very little and can be hidden in minutes. If someone always seems to know your route, this is often why.
6
The children's devices
A child's tablet, watch or phone can carry location sharing and messaging that reaches straight into where you are. Sometimes it is deliberate. Sometimes it is a genuinely shared parenting app being used for something else.
7
Money as surveillance
Online banking access, or a card on a shared account, shows where you were and at what time. Economic abuse and monitoring are frequently the same thing wearing different clothes.
Have a look
Where it could be coming from
If someone seems to know things they should not, it is rarely one dramatic gadget. It is usually something ordinary that nobody thought about again. Tap anything to see how it can be used.
Found 0 of 0 · tap the underlined parts
Your phone
The obvious one, and often not the answer. Before assuming an app was installed, consider what your phone backs up to, and who can sign into it.
Notifications
Messages can be read without your phone ever being unlocked, if previews show on the lock screen, or another device is still paired.
The car
If your route is always known, look at whether the car has an app, and whose account it is linked to.
Your home
Cameras and speakers were often installed for good reasons. It is worth knowing who the account owner is on each device.
The children
A child’s watch or tablet can be a route in without anyone intending harm. Check what a child’s device shares, and with whom.
Your accounts
Beyond the phone, think about which email address or number can reset your passwords.
None of this means you should start pulling things apart tonight. Knowing where it might be coming from is enough for now — the safest next move is to get advice before you change anything. The section below explains why.
Meanwhile
Things that are safe to do now
These change nothing on your own devices, so they raise no flags:
Use a device they cannot reach for anything you need to keep private — a friend's phone, a library or work computer, or a cheap pay-as-you-go phone kept somewhere safe.
Keep using your normal phone normally. A sudden change in habits is itself information. Carry on as usual on the monitored device.
Assume the monitored device is monitored rather than trying to prove it. You do not need certainty to act sensibly.
Write down what they seem to know — on paper, or on the safe device. Dates and details help a support worker work out the route in, and can matter later as evidence.
Do not confront them about it. Naming it out loud removes your only advantage, which is that they do not know you know.
The law
Monitoring can be a crime
Being tracked and monitored is not a grey area that falls outside the law:
Coercive or controlling behaviour is a criminal offence where you are personally connected. Monitoring, checking and restricting are exactly the conduct it was written for.
Stalking and harassment cover repeated unwanted contact and surveillance, including by an ex-partner. Courts can make a Stalking Protection Order, which can bar someone from contacting you or from using particular tools to track you.
Sharing or threatening to share intimate images is a criminal offence, and since February 2026 so is creating a sexual image of someone without their consent, including a deepfake. Chapter 3 covers this in detail.
You do not need to know which offence fits before you speak to anyone. Describing what is happening is enough — working out the label is their job, not yours.
Knowledge check
The order you do things in
This chapter has one counter-intuitive lesson, and it is worth checking it landed.
Nothing here is scored, and no answer is recorded. If a wrong answer felt right, that is worth noticing — it is usually the belief doing the most damage.
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You've reached the end of Chapter 5. If any of it landed, the useful next step is a conversation on a device they cannot see — not a clear-out tonight. The next chapter is about children, and what UK law now says about them.
This course is for information and understanding only. It is not legal advice and does not replace a solicitor, adviser, or support worker. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 999. For 24-hour confidential support, call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247. Nothing on this page is stored or sent anywhere.